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The Onion | Thank You, But That Was Siegfried's Idea
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NEWSLETTERS CONTESTS
 VOLUME 39 ISSUE 38       AMERICA'S FINEST NEWS SOURCE       1 OCTOBER 2003
 Front Page   Opinion  Previous Issue   Archives 
OPINION

Thank You, But That Was Siegfried's Idea

Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn
By Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn
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Well, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed the show. Thank you so much! We've been doing this for a long time, but I never get tired of hearing that.

Your favorite part of the show? Hmm... I really couldn't guess.

Oh, really? The giant mechanical dragon? Thank you very much. But actually, that was Siegfried's idea.

I do appreciate the kind words. If Siegfried were around, I'm sure he would appreciate them even more than I do. He loves to meet fans. Unfortunately, he had to rush home, because he's having work done on his indoor waterfall. It's really too bad he isn't here. He loves to talk about that dragon.

No, I had very little to do with it, to be perfectly honest. But of course, it takes the two of us to really make it come alive on stage. If I remember correctly, I helped to choreograph the number. I was influenced by the motion a cobra makes when it strikes... But the larger dragon concept really was Siegfried's. Though, it was my idea to give the dragon laser-beam eyes.

At the end, lasers shoot out of its eyes. It's really quite dramatic. I'm surprised that you don't remember.

Well, you might be interested to know that it was my idea to kill the dragon with a sword at the end. Siegfried wanted to use a battle axe. He thought it would look better for those sitting in the back rows, but I maintained that a sword was more traditional.

Did you enjoy the white tigers? Most people love the white lions and the white tigers. Siegfried and I often fight over which of us should get the spotlight, but in the end, the star of the show is always the cats. Everyone assumes that they work for us, but it's more the other way around! Luckily, I've always had a great rapport with those beautiful creatures. My home is filled with jungle cats of all kinds. It's truly a wonderful way to live. So, if you loved the cats, then that's thanks enough for me.

Well, I suppose that we have been "doing the tiger thing" for some time, yes.

The woman in the basket? Yes, quite a trick. Yes, Siegfried really gets everyone's attention with that one... Even though it's pretty much just a new take on the old sawing-the-woman-in-half trick.

No, she's never been hurt.

Did you like Akasha? She's my favorite. I like to find new ways to fit Akasha into the show. Oh, she's the tiger. Remember, when the evil queen transforms into a tiger?

The rope trick?

No, Siegfried hadn't met the volunteer beforehand. Yes, straight from the audience. I agree.

He does, I agree.

Do you have any other favorite parts?

Uh-huh, I see. It's too bad that Siegfried isn't here--he seems to have a real fan. Yes, that was Siegfried's idea, too. Yes, it was me inside the giant suspended smoke-filled bubble, but still Siegfried's idea. Don't worry about it, please. I'm not offended.

Not to toot my own horn, but I pick out most of the music for the show. Did you have a favorite song?

Well, if it were up to Siegfried, every song in the show would be jazz-fusion. Sometimes, Siegfried can be a little gauche. I'm only joking, of course. Siegfried is brilliant. But he doesn't know how to set an act to music to save his life.

"SARMOTI"? It stands for "Siegfried And Roy, Masters Of The Impossible." Well, that was a team effort, if I remember correctly. Siegfried didn't want to say "hocus pocus" or "ala kazaam." He wanted us to have a trademark incantation. Yeah, Siegfried--more the magic guy. Me--more the cat guy.

What is it like working with him? Well, Siegfried and I make a wonderful team. We have a very long history together. Of course, we have our disagreements from time to time, but every conflict brings us to a better way of doing things. Just the other day, Siegfried was talking about a flying horse that would swoop down and save a dancer from that precious dragon of his. We had quite a fight about that one! But in the end, we came to an understanding and... Well, I'm sure it sounds like a good idea to you, but there are many reasons, complicated reasons, why it's not right for the dragon to take on a greater role in our show. I don't really have the time to explain it, but trust me. It simply wouldn't work.

It simply wouldn't work.

Actually, I think I've added a great deal to the show. Without me, Siegfried would just be some magician with a bunch of dancing girls, laser lights, and fog machines. I was the one who added the cats, starting with our beloved Chico.

The cheetah. Everyone knows it's the cheetah, for God's sake.

Well, it may not seem like much now, but back when we started, it was something that hadn't been done before.

Like I said before, we're a team, a fusion of two separate entities. You couldn't split us up. It just wouldn't work. We create the magic in our minds and then bring it to life in front of the audience, as a team.

Making an elephant disappear? Mine. Having Siegfried transform me into an owl? Also mine. I don't know if you were listening, but it was my idea to bring in the white tigers and the white lions. It's not a big deal, of course. Contributing what sets us apart is "not a big deal." To you. But I would call it a big deal.

Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way. It was nice to have met you, but I really must go. I'll pass on your comments to Siegfried.

Yes, I promise.


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